While teaching nuclear physics to U. S. Navy students during the Vietnam War, Everett Worthington became interested in psychology. He switched fields and became an expert in the area of forgiveness. Then tragedy struck when his mother was murdered by a burglar and forgiveness was no longer just a theoretical concept for him. He realized that he had to forgive his mother’s murderer, and he was able to do that.
But then, years later, a second family tragedy struck. Worthington’s brother, Mike, who suffered post-traumatic stress disorder after finding the body of his mother, committed suicide. Everett blamed himself for not effectively sharing with his brother what he knew about therapy, and he struggled with self-forgiveness. He said,
“In many ways, I think self-condemnation can be more difficult than forgiving others because while you can always get away from another person who hurt you, you can never get away from yourself. … You’re trying to be both the offender and the forgiver.”[i]
When Forgiveness Seems Impossible
Forgiveness is a big deal in the life of anyone who follows Jesus. Every Sunday, we publicly confess our sins and receive God’s forgiveness. Every Sunday, we pray the Lord’s Prayer in which we ask God to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
But then come moments when we realize that forgiveness is not just a theoretical concept for us. Someone hurts us or someone we love. Something we value is stripped away. We realize how much we have hurt or harmed others. In the depths of those dark valleys, the wounds are so deep or our guilt is so strong, that forgiveness for what happened seems impossible to us. We find ourselves in a prison of unforgiveness that negatively impacts all aspects of our life—mental, physical, social, and spiritual—and we cannot find the way out. How do we forgive when forgiveness seems impossible? For direction as we reflect on this question, let’s dig into The Story that Shapes Us and continue our look at the life of Joseph.
Joseph’s Revelation & God’s Redemptive Hand (Gen. 42-50)
Previously, we saw how God took Joseph from the pit to the palace. Joseph was made second in command over all of Egypt and put in charge of gathering food during the seven good years to create a reserve that would keep people alive during the seven years of famine that followed. The famine also impacted Joseph’s family in Canaan. When they heard that there was food they could buy in Egypt, Jacob sent ten of his sons there to buy grain. Jacob kept his youngest son, Benjamin, at home because he didn’t want any harm to come to him.
When the ten brothers came before Joseph, they bowed down before him, just as his dreams had foretold. Even though twenty years had passed, Joseph recognized his brothers immediately, but they did not recognize him. Joseph spoke harshly to his brothers and accused them of being spies. They deny it. For twenty years they have been living a lie regarding what they did to Joseph, and the truth of who they are and what they did has still not sunk in. So they claim to be honest, when Joseph knows that they aren’t.
Joseph has the ten brothers thrown into jail for three days. Then he releases them and allows them to return home on the condition that one of them stays in Egypt until the rest bring the youngest son, Benjamin, to Egypt. Joseph is recreating what his brothers did to him when they bound him up and abandoned him to an unknown future which would likely end in death. Would they abandon another brother to death in Egypt? Three days in jail and their anxious dilemma moved the brothers to connect what they are experiencing now to what they did to Joseph so long ago.They said to one another, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come on us.” (Genesis 42:21)
Joseph understood what they were saying and turned away to weep. Then Simeon was bound before their eyes and taken away. Joseph ordered his servants to put the money the brothers used to pay for the grain in their sacks. When this was discovered on the way home, the nine brothers were terrified and said, “What is this that God has done to us?” (Genesis 42:28).
Things got even worse when the remaining brothers returned home and told their father that the lord of the land demanded they take Benjamin to Egypt. Their father Jacob said to them, “You have deprived me of my children. Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you want to take Benjamin. Everything is against me!” (Genesis 42:36) Jacob refused to let Benjamin go. When the food they bought ran out, Jacob finally relented and sent his remaining sons, with double the money, and Benjamin, to Egypt to buy more food.
When Joseph saw Benjamin with his brothers, he had a feast prepared and invited them to his house. The brothers were afraid that it was a trap and confessed about the money to the steward of Joseph’s house. Now they were starting to be as honest as they had earlier claimed.
The sight of Benjamin moved Joseph to flee the room and weep. When he returned, the feast began. To their amazement, the brothers noticed that they were seated in order from oldest to youngest.
When the time comes for the brothers to leave, Joseph set up another test. Again, he has all their money placed in his brothers’ grain sacks, but he also had his silver cup in Benjamin’s sack. Then, shortly after they left, Joseph sent his steward after them to accuse them of stealing the cup. Whoever has the cup must remain in Egypt as a slave. The sacks are opened from oldest to youngest and the cup is found in Benjamin’s bag of grain. The brothers tear their clothes in grief, then return to face Joseph.
When Joseph declares that Benjamin must stay in Egypt and be his slave while the other brothers go free, Judah speaks up. You might remember that Judah was the one who suggested that Joseph be sold as a slave to some Midianite merchants. Now, Judah offers his life in exchange for Benjamin’s. Seeing the dramatic change of heart in his brothers, Joseph asked all his servants to leave, then he said to his brothers, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 5 And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6 For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. 7 But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.
8 “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. (Genesis 45:4-8) Then he sent them back to Canaan with carts to move their father and their families to Egypt. There were five more years of famine to come, but they would be safe in Egypt for Joseph promised to provide for them.
Years later, when Jacob died, Joseph’s brothers thought that Joseph would now take revenge on them. They didn’t trust that the reconciliation between them and Joseph was genuine and that Joseph had truly forgiven them in his heart. So they beg Joseph for forgiveness. Joseph weeps. This was all so unnecessary. He knows the truth of what they did to him, but he has already forgiven them in his heart, and he can see things from God’s perspective. Then he says one of the most profound passages in Scripture: You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Genesis 50:20). Then he told them to not be afraid, and again he promised to provide for them and their children.
Seeing Our Story Through God’s Heart
So what does this mean for us? The story of Joseph and his brothers reveals the profound importance of forgiveness in our lives. Many of us see ourselves in Joseph’s brothers: there are things we have done, said, or left undone that we wish we could take back. Some of us carry the same burden as Joseph: the deep ache of being sinned against, of being betrayed, abandoned, or harmed by someone we trusted. And some of us, like Everett Worthington, carry the heaviest burden of all — the weight of self-condemnation, the sense that I should have known better… I should have done more… I can’t forgive myself.
Forgiveness is what we and others need. But forgiveness is often hard. Confessing our sins to others is hard because our pride holds us back from humbling ourselves. Forgiving others who have hurt us is hard because we want healing for our pain before we give our forgiveness. We don’t realize that forgiveness is part of the healing process we need. And we find it hard to forgive ourselves because we want to hold onto our notions of how forgiveness works rather than accept God’s gracious wisdom on the matter.
In each of these situations, the roadblock to reconciliation is the same: Our eyes are focused on the sin and we are ignoring the heart of God.
Forgiveness — whether giving it or receiving it — does not begin with you or me. It begins with God, the God who sent Joseph ahead to preserve life, the God who sent Jesus into this world to pay for the full cost of forgiveness for all our sins. It is in Jesus where we most clearly see the loving, gracious, forgiving heart of God. And when we recognize the immensity of God’s love for us in Christ and receive it, we are transformed from being people who focus on our own guilt and pain to to being people who see conflict as an opportunity to glorify God by sharing his incredible gift of reconciliation with others (see 2 Corinthians 5:17-21).
The Greater Joseph and the Greater Reconciliation
Joseph’s words to his brothers echo through Scripture until they find their fulfillment in Jesus: “It was not you who sent me here, but God.”
Joseph was betrayed, abandoned, and left for dead — yet God used his suffering to save many lives. Jesus was betrayed, abandoned, and crucified — and God used His suffering to save the world.
Joseph reveals himself alive after all, and his brothers are stunned into silence. Jesus reveals Himself alive after all, and His disciples are stunned into joy.
Joseph speaks peace to the ones who wronged him. Jesus speaks peace to the ones who deserted Him.
Joseph provides for the family that betrayed him. Jesus provides forgiveness, reconciliation, and new creation for the world that crucified Him.
This is the heart of the Gospel: Reconciliation is not wishful thinking. It is resurrection reality.
You are not trapped in the story of what happened. You are not defined by the wound you carry or the wound you caused. You are not living under the shadow of a past that cannot be changed.
The risen Christ stands before you — not with accusation, but with scars that heal. Not with condemnation, but with reconciliation. Not with revenge, but with resurrection.
And because He lives, forgiveness is possible. Because He lives, reconciliation is real. Because He lives, even the deepest wounds can become places where God brings life.
Living as Ambassadors of Reconciliation
So the challenge that I am setting before you today is to live a lifestyle of reconciliation, continually be looking for those opportunities to glorify God in the midst of conflict. Perhaps that means confessing something you’ve been carrying for years. Or maybe it is releasing someone who hurt you. Maybe it is finally letting Christ speak forgiveness over the part of yourself you cannot forgive.
Jesus gave his life in exchange for yours. He paid the full cost for all sins in the world to be forgiven, no matter how deep or dark they may be, and that includes all your sins too. He rose from the dead to give you new life with him that will last forever. Let’s Jesus’ love transform you into being an ambassador of reconciliation. As we seek to share the peace of Jesus’ forgiveness with ourselves and with others, we bless the world in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Farewell to Shadowlands 